dear miss n. thrope:

i had a conversation last week about misanthropy that has resonated with me. a handful of my dearest friends voluntarily describe themselves as misanthropes, but i must admit that i don't necessarily buy into their seemingly candid self-analysis. this is not due to a distrust of my friends' judgement or awareness of themselves, but rather, the fact that the contrary is evidenced by their behavior... as well as their apparent tolerance of mine. i would call myself an anti-misanthrope. pollyannaish? no. panglossian? no. optimistic? not exactly. my standpoint is misunderstood so frequently that i feel the need to indulge myself...

Misanthropy is a general dislike, distrust, or hatred of the human species, or a
disposition to dislike and/or distrust other people. The term is also applicable to those who self-exile themselves or become loners because of the aforementioned feelings. The word comes from the Greek words for "hatred" and "man, human being". A misanthrope or misanthropist is a person who dislikes or distrusts humanity as a general rule.

so, i can read this definition and understand it. but the question that springs to my mind is 'why?' ultimately, the active and deliberate abhorrence of humanity seems like a terrible waste of energy. however, to take it one step further, it implies judgement. one may infer that in order to cast a definitive and condemning judgement on humanity, one must place him or herself in a position of opposition. and who really has the perspective to fairly do so? who really has the right? is this arrogance in the supreme?

we don't really need to reiterate the atrocities perpetrated by the human race, nor the terrible situations that occur daily...in our homes, our classrooms, our offices, or on the street outside. we don't really need the evening news to drive home the point that we're typically more interested in hearing about the armed robbery that occurred than the random act of kindness that saved someone's life. obviously, a misanthropic attitude is easily perpetuated.

but to me, there's a distinction that must be made between a condemnation of human nature and the recognition of humanity's potential and its capabilities- both good and bad. i do not condone the optimistic dismissal of our faults and negative tendencies, but i would prefer to live in a world in which they were not accepted as the status quo. i have seen, experienced, and learned enough about the reality of the world to know i would rather embrace the positive characteristics we possess as a species.

broadly speaking, in embracing a misanthropic attitude, what reason do we ultimately have to care about anyone? if we are all varying degrees of miserable, what motivation exists for us to strive towards something better? and where is our inspiration? indeed, we would be fighting NATURE. (involving religion inevitably complicates the issue, but this strikes me as an infuriatingly augustinian ethos. it is interesting that among my 'misanthropic' friends, i know only one who actively prescribes to the christian faith. so, if not saved through god's grace from a sinful predisposition, then by who? or what?)

furthermore, if we accept that we are all burdened with a flawed nature, where does that leave us as individuals? if not in an opposing position of judgement, where does the lone misanthrope fit into the picture? how does the individual escape the curse? and if they do not, what renders them capable of rationally judging humanity as a whole, since he or she is included within that whole? as a result, this seems to be a ridiculously solipsistic philosophy. (of course, i suppose the reverse may also be true.) yet, the point is that we suddenly find ourselves trapped within a self-perpetuated, incentive-less hell.

following this line of reasoning, the misanthropic attitude undermines our respect for the human condition. this, to me, is key. if our empathy for others is tempered by our distrust, how does that affect our own behavior? under extreme circumstances, how much easier is it to pull a trigger? to cheat on your taxes? to lie to your spouse? how can the distrusting be trustworthy? and vice versa. again, it's self-perpetuating...until it spirals out of control. and then, with this denigration of humanity, why must we ask how we've been conditioned to value the morbid and sensational over what we dismiss as hallmark sentimentality, the earnest? we are like the romans at the coliseum... and who can blame the religious fanatics for their frantic search for a savior.

to put it simply, i think that's a pretty miserable idea. (and the more i think about these things, the more i sheepishly realize that i am only scratching the surface of any meaningful discussion on the subject.) i suppose that i am some breed of humanist (albeit in my limited comprehension of the term). i'd like to think i possess a respect for the human condition in its breadth: our triumphs, as well as our failings. but more importantly, i have FAITH in humanity, though not necessarily with any certainty or expectation that it is on the right course. above all, i have faith in the ACT of hoping for something better, for i believe that, more often than not, it will yield a positive influence... though no promise of results. i believe in personal atonement through progress- to me, analytical observation is far more productive than judgement. why not own our flaws and move on with the intention of growth? luxuriating in a distaste for others seems myopic, selfish, and short-sighted... and ultimately to the greatest detriment of those who prescribe.

in my 28 years, my outlook on human nature has changed very little, despite the barrage of evidence to erode my faith. i do not presume to take credit for character traits i have inherited or those embedded in my makeup by my parents- surely, both have played a significant role in my development. still, i have never been capable of holding a grudge for very long, for i find that it takes more concentration and energy than is reasonable... and in my experience, more than the act of forgiveness. the act of tenaciously clinging to a grudge implies that i count myself innocent of perpetrating whichever transgressions have been inflicted upon me. and in some instances, that may be true, but i am certainly not blameless- and who am i (or anyone for that matter) to assign a value to pain and suffering? yes, this attitude certainly renders a person vulnerable in a variety of ways, but the choice to forgive should be made with one's eyes open. the simple act of looking inward and empathizing teaches us far more about ourselves than the decision to condemn... and regardless of whether the result is ideal, the lesson nonetheless remains. in either case, i submit to you that the unexpected gifts and lessons (not to mention friendships) are often well-worth the risks.

i think i know my friends. i may not fully understand what they mean when they call themselves misanthropes...but i KNOW they don't practice this variety of misanthropy. so, the next time you're around me and someone makes that claim, i'll be the one grinning....and clapping my hands in anticipation of tinkerbell getting her wings!

false-forwards and my thoughts on christmas...

the italic text below was sent to me via a forwarded email message. my comments follow.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a Crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away .

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the con cept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we be lieve what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says . Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards.

Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

*********************************************************

this was sent to me by family with the best of intentions. and immediately, this rubbed me the wrong way. on occasion, i have been a fan of ben stein, but some of these sentiments seem unlikely from someone as intelligent and erudite as he is. of course, a little research reveals that these aren't quite his words.

here is the REAL essay:
http://www.benstein.com/121805xmas.html

and the snopes article about it:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/benstein2.asp

ben stein DOES assert that america shouldn't be an 'explicitly atheist country.' with all due respect, i don't think it is. yet, america SHOULD be an explicitly SECULAR country...though one founded on judeo-christian principles. and you're not going to hear me grumble about the fact that we have steered far from those principles...that much i don't dispute. but the last time i checked, this isn't a communist state- god is called down frequently in this country of ours... in our courthouses, in our ballparks, and yes, even in our schools. to suggest otherwise is ridiculous. indeed, the right to express one's religious views is, in some ways, more valued and respected than another's right to NOT hear them.

"I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period."

interesting point. alas, this is a democracy, and the rules are created for all, whether they believe in god or not. no exceptions should be made either way. the question so frequently becomes not one of dictating the behavior of those believers, but allowing the same freedoms to those non-believers. to request the removal of all manger scenes and menorahs would be absolutely absurd... but to request their removal from public property is a constitutional right. perhaps we don't mind them, but it is not our right to begrudge those who do.

to address the forwarded message, i don't resent anne graham's response to the katrina question on the early show. in fact, i think it was a rather graceful answer to the question and one that echoes her personal sentiments on the matter. and isn't it lovely that a. that question was asked on national television and b. that she had the right to give that response?

the insinuations that god has abandoned o'hair and dr. spock and whoever else believes there should be a separation of church and state are barely worthy of reply. however, i will say that it doesn't make the most compelling case for a benevolent, all-loving god who (deliberately?) allows his children to be murdered. let it be noted that it's an interesting mix of old and new testament purportedly coming from the jewish stein.

i appreciate stein's remarks about not finding the christmas tree offensive... he is perhaps more progressive than i am, since even i can take offense to the christmas trees being erected the day after halloween. i CAN take offense. i can even protest its erection. i can yell and picket and rally...and isn't that great? and to take it one step further, isn't it great that, if they're on private property, i can be totally ignored?

to be honest, i love all the gaudy christmas decorations and menorahs for many of the same reasons stein relates, but i think the christmas trees lining the shopping mall parking lots are perhaps the best example of all. when "asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong," we should ask not why we don't, as a country, call on god, but on WHICH god we call. and after seven years of working retail, i believe i know the answer. so often, christmas is less about honoring the birth of christ and more about worshipping the material gods. it is about desperate coupon-clipping, cutting in long check-out lines, and breaking your back with multi-colored shopping bags... the feverish rush to get 'something' for 'someone.' in the rare instances that i would get a break in the holiday rush at the jewelry store, i would sit back and watch the throngs of people flowing through the mall corridors, shaking my head at the sad state of a world in which people were running around shopping at 6PM on christmas eve instead of at home with their loved ones... if anything, to enjoy one of the few days we are ALL (regardless of religion) afforded to be together. and yet, with all my dissatisfaction and condemnation, i would quickly forget when i received my holiday pay-check. (and how sad and yet, how typical is that?) when asking our children 'why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves,' we should think about the newest wii or playstation video game we stood in line for two hours to buy... no doubt, two hours better spent teaching and guiding and nurturing them.
i have faith that people can and will do the right thing, if afforded a critical-thinking nature, the right tools, and a little compassion. and i'd love to live in a country in which others felt the same. maybe then, we could call down whichever gods we please together and at all times of year, instead of arguing over semantics less accountable for our country's downfall than the presents under our tree, the money in our wallet, and the issues under our noses. and regardless of whether we disgree about holiday decorations, i don't think ben stein and i would disagree about that.

off the grid: my new thoughts on immigration

let me preface this blog with the suggestion that some might find it offensive. that being said, i'm very upset. here is why:

today, i was involved in a hit and run accident. i was driving along travis street...a detour i took to avoid traffic on the way to help out with my friend's theatre company's gala. while driving in the far left lane, i get hit by a car to my right as we are crossing west alabama. as soon as i can take stock of what happened, the car had backed up and sped off down west alabama. this happened so fast that i couldn't get a good look at the license plate. not content with this injustice, my temper got the best of me, and i took off on a wild chase to catch up with this bastard. so, i started my car back up and followed him. he managed to get through a red light right before me...so he was quite a ways ahead. i suppose he thought he was safe, but i kept an eye on him as he drove away down alabama. i was able to see where he turned off...at some point, he became aware of my following him and started driving faster. but finally, i was able to trap him between two cars...at which point, i parked my car in such a way that he was blocked and couldn't drive away.

sidenote: i realize this was absolute insanity. had this man been violent, i could be dead right now.

so, he got out of the car. and i gave him a piece of my mind. of course, as soon as i stand up out of my car, my legs start to wobble and give out under me. (shock setting in.) but i am so angry that i will not get back in my car for fear of his driving off again. regarding the man who hit me...hispanic. didn't speak english. driving what appeared to be a fairly new potiac grand prix. all new stickers. we will call this man joe for the sake of discussion.

joe couldn't understand anything i was saying. i told him i thought it was pretty terrible that he hit me and then, drove away. blank stare. no response. fortunately, he wasn't angry. it was only when i told him that i was going to call the police that his ears perked up. 'policia?!'

'si.'

so, i call the police, because at this point, i become increasingly convinced that i am going to be out of luck in this situation. that joe won't have insurance...nor any way to compensate me for the damage done to my car. the whole right side of my car is smashed...what appears to be thousands of dollars of damage. how on earth will joe pay for it? in any case, i want a police report. i speak very slowly and make big gestures of getting his license plate number and pictures of the car. in other words, i wanted to make it very clear that he shouldn't try to leave again. the police operator suggests that i only get his license plate and file a report at the station later. i'm stubborn and don't accept this suggestion. the operator tells me it will be a bit, since there was a disturbance to which several officers were responding. i tell her that's OK...that i will wait. (honestly, i would rather the police potentially prevent someone from getting hurt before they come to me.)

so, eventually my dad shows up, as well as the police probably 30 minutes later. the first police officer who shows up gets all the basic information from me, but is at a loss since she doesn't speak any spanish. finally, a second officer arrives who does. he divines that joe:
a. doesn't have insurance
b. doesn't have a valid texas driver's license
c. has only an expired mexican license

in other words, there is a 95% chance joe is illegal. i ask the officers if he is. one gives me a dry look and said, 'what do you think? but, thanks to our dear mayor, we can't ask or we'll get fired.'

sidenote #2: i appreciate that joe is being cooperative. i also find out that he is only 23...although i would have guessed mid-thirties, as he looks much older. as mad as i am about my car and the fact that i will most likely be paying out of my pocket for something that wasn't my fault, a part of me feels very sorry for joe. he's probably just some young, stupid kid who is scared. however, i don't want to paint him as an unfortunate, as his clothes and car did not suggest that he was financially struggling in the dire sense.

anyways...the police are civil to joe, but ticket him on 3 accounts:
a. moving into my lane and colliding
b. failure to have insurance
c. failure to have a driver's license

i ask about fleeing the scene. the officer tells me that since i actually caught him, they can't ticket him for it. go figure.

at some point, the spanish-speaking officer tells me that joe has mentioned paying for the damages to my car. he suggests i take the offer, but that i be careful about how i handle it. the other officer gives me some 'off the record' advice...that i invoke the name of the police to get the payment from joe. i think it is probably unwise to get falsely hopeful. this was someone who tried fleeing the scene...is it likely this is necessarily someone who will fulfill his debts? in any case, the officer suggests i threaten to show up on his court date. i don't like this kind of game-playing, but i am also not keen on being held accountable for the whole accident. what is the right thing to do?

but the whole matter leads me to my bigger point: illegal aliens. folks, i am as sympathetic to the cause as i can be. i believe immigration should be possible for people of all extractions... from any country, etc. but this can be accomplished legally. i do not suggest it is easy, but can we really be tolerant of people living off the grid? i was just telling someone the other day about my affinity for mexico city. it's irrational, but i would have to say that i prefer dirty, crowded mexico city to any other place i've traveled. why? because i got this incredible rush being there. it was exciting...but profoundly scary. why was it scary? because standing in the crowded zocalo, i had the sensation that i could have been ripped off the street, dragged down a remote alleyway, and NEVER heard from again. in a lawless land like mexico, it is possible to fall completely off the grid. and while terrifying, i was fascinated by this feeling. it made everything immediate and amplified the feeling of being alive...survival.

having come back from mexico city, i tried to explain that sensation to my friends who had never been there. and i failed miserably, since i couldn't compare to anything else i had experienced. it was only when i watched the denzel washington movie 'man on fire' that i finally had any point of comparison. the first scene features someone getting abducted from the zocalo...and THAT feeling of terror is exactly what i was trying to express.

today's experience made me think of things in a different light. there is no easy solution to the illegal immigrant problem. but can we just be lenient? should houston be a refuge for illegal immigrants? i feel it important to stress that these sentiments are not influenced by prejudice. i strongly feel that the ethnic diversity of houston is part of what makes it so special. and furthermore, i have the utmost respect for those immigrants who go through the painstaking process of becoming legal. but had i taken the operators advice today, i would have had an absolutely meaningless license plate number. a license plate number that couldn't be connected to a driver's license...nor any person. why? because there was no driver's license. so, a person like myself is left with absolutely no recourse at all. no way to seek justice. mind you, this was a car accident...what if it had been a rape or murder? how can we pursue someone or punish someone who, according to our records, doesn't exist?

i think we should all think carefully about this situation before we get up in arms either way about the immigration problem. consider how you might feel the next time a 'nonexistent' person attacks you, steals your things, or hits your car and tries to run. i am left torn...not knowing how best to proceed. i have no desire to cause trouble for joe or his family...but should he not have some responsibility towards me? should he not have some responsibility to follow our city's laws, as someone enjoying the benefits of living here?

nothing in this world comes for free. if you leave one country for something better, that, too, comes at a price...should it not be the price of legally calling yourself an american?